Blessing In Disguise
by eudaemania
Summary: He'd imagined every scenario to show up when he opened the door, everything but this.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Contains spoilers of season one, two and three, then everything changes.**

**This story was inspired by this post (** / post / 17419938269 / morethancoffee-kentuckydreamer**) ****on tumblr.**

**Sorry that it's the link to the post on my own tumblr, but I couldn't find the original one back. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize. **

**BLESSING IN DISGUISE**

CHAPTER ONE

…

He was shaking.

He was so goddamn nervous.

He was scared of what would be waiting for him on the other side of this door; afraid to see Beckett lying there broken, bruised and scarred. He didn't want to see her like that; didn't want to see her in pain.

On the other hand, he was so happy and relieved that she was stable enough to have visitors, and that she was alive; most of all that he was able to see her.

The two muscular guards that stood in front of the door of the room nodded at him in recognition; a sign that he had their permission to enter the room.

Slightly bouncing on his feet he checked his appearance in the mirror that hung beside the door. There were dark bags under his eyes from not sleeping; he'd laid awake all night worrying about her. He ran his hands through his hair to make it look presentable. He didn't do it to look good for Beckett, he didn't.

Oh, who was he kidding. Of course he did. He might as well give in to the feelings, now that he'd confessed them.

Not that he was sure she remembered his words, or that she had even heard him in the first place.

He pushed the thoughts away and reached out for the doorknob; not surprised to see his hand trembling a bit.

His heart skipped a beat and he inwardly beat himself up for being such a girl. _Just open the door Rick. _He told himself.

Quickly he pushed the door open.

He'd expected almost everything, everything other than this. He'd expected to find her looking terrible and bruised, scarred, broken, pale, limbs in casts, attached to monitors or holding her boyfriend's hand.

Everything. Everything but this.

She looked pale. She wore her brown hair in a messy French braid and she was wearing a dotted hospital gown. She looked exhausted but somehow she was radiating happiness.

She was sitting up straight, supported by thick cushions in her back.

Holding a baby.

_A real, living baby,_ dressed a light blue baby hospital romper suit and a small white hat on his head.

His jaw almost dropped.

_That_, he did not expect.

''Uh…Wh-'' he stuttered.

She smiled widely and adjusted the baby on her lap; carefully stroking it's tiny little hand. He was sound asleep.

''Hey.'' She said, her smile brightening, although her voice sounded low and weak. For a moment they stared into each other's eyes, forgetting were they were or that one of them was holding a newborn; just two people overly happy to see each other again.

Then her gaze flicked back to the baby and she adjusted the small white hat it was wearing.

She looked tired and pale, but her smile made up for all of that. She looked so… peaceful, it looked so natural; seeing her with a newborn baby in her arms.

The realization that he wasn't the lucky man to kiss her and hold _their_ baby stung a bit. Okay, maybe it stung hard. Really hard.

But then again, he didn't know what the hell was going on yet, maybe it wasn't even _her_ baby. Maybe a friend had come to visit her and let her hold her baby.

But he couldn't imagine the mother a baby this young to come and visit a friend in the hospital.

It was hard, deciding what to say first. ''Hey, how are you?'' like she wasn't holding a baby, or ''why are you holding a baby?'' as if she wasn't just shot in the chest.

''Hi.'' He decided to go with, but he immediately cursed at himself.

He walked up to her and put the flowers on the nightstand next to her bed.

''I heard you were opening up a flower shop, so I thought I'd pitch in.'' He tried to joke, but his voice was hoarse and his heart still hadn't picked up its normal speed again.

She chuckled lightly.

''You're not going to ask?'' She said, nodding at the baby.

He grabbed a chair and sat down next to her.

''I would, but I don't know what to ask first: 'Why are you holding a baby?' Or 'How are you?' He answered honestly.

''Well, I could've been better but I would've imagined getting shot would hurt more. And…'' She blushed. ''This is Liam.'' She said with a shy smile, her voice brightening a little bit.

''Is… is he… yours?'' he almost whispered that last word and she nodded, not meeting his eye.

''I… They had to do a C-section, he… he would've died if they didn't.'' She said, obviously still uncomfortable. She fumbled with the baby's shirt.

''How the hell… you were pregnant?'' He said incredulously, maybe a little hurt.

She nodded.

''I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but… I only realized it a month ago and..'' She sighed. ''It's uncommon, but some pregnant woman don't get really big while they're pregnant. It's weird but… I mean, I just thought I'd gained a few pounds; tried to exercise it off. It wasn't much, so I just blamed it on the lack of exercise I'd had the last couple of months. And I hadn't been feeling so well but I just thought it was a cold; that it'd be over soon.''

He grabbed her hand, and to his surprise she let him.

Now that he was thinking about it, something had been a little off with her lately, especially the last month.

She'd wore looser clothes and she might have thrown up in the ladies room and refused his coffee.

He'd blamed it on her mom's case. He'd blamed it on Montgomery's death.

_How could he have not noticed this? _

''It shouldn't have happened. I was on the pill but I must've forgotten to take it, and I only realized that something was wrong when I didn't get my period last month.'' She bit her lip and a nervous smile appeared. ''then there was nothing I could do.''

She sighed but it was neither a happy or unhappy sigh.

''I only told Josh and my dad. I was going to tell you, honestly, but then… everything happened, Montgomery died and… I just couldn't find the right time.''

He squeezed her hand and decided not to comment on that anymore. There was nothing they could do about it anymore and this wasn't the time for discussions about her safety.

''He's beautiful.'' He said, looking at the baby adoringly. ''Liam Beckett.'' He nodded smiling.

She tensed up and slowly shook her head.

''No. Liam Rick Davidson.'' She said, bowing her head down. He didn't know if it was because of his middle or last name. ''Josh is the father.'' She explained.

That hurt. But he'd known, and maybe it was better that it was Josh; a smart, handsome, caring cardiac surgeon. A good guy, Better him than gross, some random guy in bar.

He nodded. _Right_.

Then the middle name struck him.

''Rick?'' He asked surprised and he couldn't help but gloat with pride. ''You named him after me?''

''Yeah, well, I mean if you're okay with that...'' she said, half teasing, half seriously nervous about it.

''Sure, of course! More than okay! But… why?'' he asked.

''Well, without you we both wouldn't be here right now.'' She said, lifting her baby up to lie against her chest as she stroked his back lovingly.

He didn't know what to say to that.

''Can… can I hold him?'' He asked nervously after a while of silence.

She smiled.

''Of course. Can you maybe lift him yourself? I'm still a bit sore everywhere.'' She explained.

He rose from his chair and lifted the little boy. Extremely careful, as if he was made out of glass.

''Well hello there big boy.'' He said softly as he sat down and held the baby to his chest. ''You must be really proud of your mommy.''

Kate smiled at the writer who was mumbling soft words to the little boy in his arms; he looked at her baby like he was golden, like he was perfection itself.

He even looked at him more adoringly than Josh did.

Josh hadn't been happy when he found out she was pregnant, but she couldn't blame him; neither was she. She wasn't ready to be a mom, and Josh wasn't either. They were both busy with work, and totally not ready to be parents.

He'd been supportive though, and nothing but sweet. He'd looked so happy when he first saw Liam, but-

-Rick looked even happier.

''He's truly beautiful.'' He said.

''Yeah… he is.'' She said proudly.

He had so many questions to ask but he let all of them fade, he wasn't going to ask them right now.

''So, you're gonna move in with Josh?'' He tried to ask casually.

Everything was odd and surreal. He knew that now that she and Josh had a baby it was highly likely she would move in with him and marry him.

All of his hope would be gone.

Which was a bad thing. Devastating. Terrible. Horrible.

But then again; how could he be angry or mad while holding such a beautiful baby? How could he be upset when Beckett was happy?

She bit her lip and looked down once again.

''No.'' She said shortly and softly.

He frowned.

''Why not?'' He asked, sincerely confused.

''We um… we broke up actually.'' She answered.

''Wow…I'm sorry.'' He said. And he was truly sorry; he didn't want her to be sad about a breakup, hurting from being shot in the chest, grieving the loss of her Captain, recovering from a C-section _and_ having to adjust to being a parent. He couldn't imagine how hard that would be.

Although he wouldn't lie; it relieved him a little; knowing not all hope was gone, knowing maybe, maybe one day there would still be a chance for him to be with her.

''But… then why is his last name Davidson?'' He asked, carefully and a little scared to overstep.

''Two reasons actually. One is that Josh be around for him. I don't want him to grow up without his father. I don't want to keep him away from him. And the second is that I want to keep him safe. I mean, you never know… the guys that are chasing me I…'' she sighed and buried her face in her hands.

He gave her a reassuring smile. He knew what she was talking about and he knew how hard this must be for her. He wished he could do something, anything for her.

''It was a mutual choice. When I told him I was pregnant we'd already been growing apart. I didn't want our baby to have a unhappy family, I didn't want him to grow up while his parents fought and Josh understood that. So we decided to break up before things got out of hand, so he could be part of Liam's life.''

''That's… a good thing, I guess?'' He said, a little unsure of himself.

She hummed.

''How… how are you?'' He asked.

''Could've been better, but I'll live.'' She briefly closed her eyes. When she opened them she smiled slightly, but she suppressed it immediately. ''So I heard that you tried to save me.''

He shrugged and felt a tiny bit of hope growing.

''Yeah, well…. You… heard?'' He stumbled. ''You don't remember- the gunshot?'' his heart dropped; stupid hope, stupid expectations. He should've known.

''No, I don't remember much of anything. I remember being on the podium, and then everything just gone black.'' She said, her voice changing to the lower, weaker kind again.

He could see she was getting tired.

''It all seems so surreal, Castle. I just.. everything is just reeling in my mind and I can't get it to stop. It's like I will wake up in a minute and this is all just some stupid nightmare.'' She ran her hand through her hair and winced when the needle that was attached to it moved. Then once again when she stretched too far and a wound was pulled –she didn't know which, the bullet wound, the incision or the C-section.

''I'm so sorry Kate. If there's anything I can do for you, anything, please tell me, okay?'' He pleaded, although he knew she wouldn't ask for help.

''Okay.'' She said.

Then the door swung open and Josh walked in.

Castle held his breath and made an attempt to stand up and leave, but he had to hand Liam back to Kate first, and she stopped him.

''Stay.'' She simply said, not loud enough for Josh to hear.

He gave her a meaningful look and then sat back down in the plastic chair.

''Hey Kate. Castle.'' He nodded stiffly and uncomfortable. Neither of them had forgotten about the incident in the hallway the day she was shot.

'''Josh.'' He nodded back with the same level of unfriendliness in his voice and posture.

''Hey Josh.'' She said softly, not nice nor unfriendly.

''How are you feeling?''

''Same as before I guess.'' She replied as she played with the hospital bracelet around her right wrist.

They talked about the surgery and everything related for a while before Kate changed the subject.

''You wanna hold him?'' She asked, almost politely.

Things were obviously uncomfortable between the two of them, but Castle couldn't blame them. It wasn't weird that things would be awkward when you go from lovers to friends while you've just had a baby together.

He nodded and Castle handed Liam to him with extreme care.

Josh had already grabbed another chair and sat down with the baby in his lap; still asleep.

''Hey Liam.'' He said softly and no one could say he was being un-fatherly; he looked happy and proud of his newborn son.

If only Castle didn't feel such a strong dislike towards him he would even say they looked cute together.

They just sat there for a while, all watching the little boy until he woke up and started crying; loudly. The sound was heartbreaking.

They all looked shocked; well, especially Josh and Kate.

Josh stood up and started pacing back and forth, softly rocking the baby in his arms.

It didn't help; he only started crying louder and louder.

After a while Kate shot Castle a helpless look. He shrugged.

''Hand him to Castle.'' She said.

Josh did as he was told and Castle started to immediately walk up and down the hospital room with the baby in his arms, mumbling soothing words and stroking his little head.

Within minutes he was sleeping again.

''Thanks.'' Kate mumbled and Josh looked at him with an somewhat admiring yet envious expression.

He handed Liam back to Kate, who kissed him on his temple before putting his blanket back over his tiny body.

Then she looked up.

''You know. I'm kinda tired right now. Could you please take him back to his crib?'' She pleaded after briefly shutting her eyes.

Both of them hummed and nodded, then looked at each other almost surprised that the other was also still here.

Josh walked up to her and lifted the baby from her lap, careful not to wake him again.

Castle stayed behind after Josh closed the door behind himself.

''Hey, Rick?'' She said.

He didn't miss the use of his first name, felt his heart skip a beat.

''I… I'm not really ready to deal with everything right now, but we'll talk, okay?'' She said while looking at the sheets that covered her lower body and fumbling with her nails.

''Uh- yes, of course.'' He said, his heart beating frantically in his chest. He didn't know if they were on the same page, but if she wanted to talk about what he thought she did he was a _very_ happy man.

**Well, I'll stop this here for today (:**

**First of all; I have absolutely no idea why I am writing this since I usually avoid fics about babies and everything, but I just couldn't resist after seeing that post on tumblr and I'm really, really excited about writing this story, especially since this is more fluffy than my other on-going stories which are a bit darker. **

**Let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**BLESSING IN DISGUISE**

CHAPTER TWO

…

It was about noon the next day when he arrived at the hospital. He'd been up since seven, but he'd forced himself to wait until at least 11:30 to leave, so Kate and Liam could have a decent sleep.

A young, petite, blonde nurse smiled and waved at him in passing. In the past he might have talked to her, tried to charm her; right now Kate was the only thing he thought about as the purposefully marched through the almost empty hospital hallways.

When he arrived in front of the door he took a deep breath and smiled.

No more surprises, for now.

He hoped.

When he walked in, Kate was lying down flat, sleeping on her back with her hands above the blankets.

It didn't look comfortable, but he guessed she couldn't lie on her sides because of all the wounds and injuries.

Her breathing was steady and the monitor that stood next to her bed, and he guessed she was somehow attached to, showed the steady beating of her heart.

He debated whether to leave and wait for her to wake up or to stay. He was sure she would call him out on it if she found out he'd been staring at her while she slept, but now that he was finally here, he didn't want to leave.

Just when he reached out to grab a chair he told himself he'd compromise; he put the chair back and silently left the room.

After a not too long walk he arrived at the nursery.

The room was brightly colored, and there were about 30 cribs placed in the room, of which about 20 currently occupied by little newborns.

Some of them were awake; lying in their cribs, staring at the ceiling while others were either sleeping or being fed or carried around by nurses.

Castle smiled.

He could remember when Meredith had just given birth to Alexis; they'd had to stay in the hospital for an extra three days and he'd spent almost every minute in the nursery; visiting Meredith once the nurses had banned him from coming back until he'd had a decent night sleep.

He tried to spot which crib was Liam's; his eyes roamed over the blue and pink cards that were attached to the plastic cribs, saying ''I'm a boy!'' or ''I'm a girl!''

It was hard, though; all babies looked like each other and the fact that they were only allowed to wear hospital suits made it even harder.

An older nurse who was holding a boy spotted him standing behind the big glass window and waved at him; gesturing him to come in.

He entered the room and smiled at the familiar yet still so foreign sounds that came from the cribs; soft nonsense murmuring from half asleep babies, nurses singing softly to crying infants that would look at them with big eyes and the sound of a faint melody coming from a speaker, which he guessed was meant to keep the babies calm.

''Hello, sir!'' She said smiling. She looked nice; motherly, and warm. He guessed she was in her late forties.

''Hi.'' He replied, smiling as he looked around.

The nurse put the boy who was now sound asleep again back in his crib and then turned to Castle.

''And, you're the father of..?''

''Well, no one in here actually. But I came to visit Liam Be…Davidson.'' He said, hoping his charm might allow him to stay even though he was no family of the little guy.

''Oh, okay. I'm sorry but then I need to look up your name to see if his mother has put you into the list of people who are allowed to visit her son.'' She said, still friendly and open as she walked up to the computer that was located in the back of the room.

He followed her, hoping Beckett had given his name up.

''And your name is?'' She asked.

''Richard Castle.'' He replied.

''Nice to meet you, Mr. Castle. My name's Daniella.'' She said, shaking his hand.

''Alright.'' She said, drawing the word out. ''Liam Rick Davidson, visitors Josh Davidson, Jim Beckett and Richard Alexander Rodgers.'' She read out loud.

''Oh, yeah. That's my name.''

The nurse frowned at him, obviously not buying his story; even though it was the truth.

''I have legitimation with me. I'm Richard Alexander Rodgers but I'm a writer so I changed my name into Richard Edgar Castle. I don't know if you know my books. But well…'' He quickly explained while still gloating a little that he was the only one allowed to see Liam other than his parents and grandpa, while he grabbed his ID from the wallet that he'd stuck in his back pocket.

The nurse took the small card from him an studied it with care.

''Yeah I know your work.'' She said absentmindedly while putting the ID down on the desk and typing something on the computer. ''They're good books.''

He smiled. She had read his books, but she wasn't much of a screaming-or-flirty-fangirl-type, and he appreciated that. Sometimes it was nice to know some people actually thought of his as a normal person, despite his fame, and that they actually read his books instead of just fawn over his picture on the back.

''Thanks.'' He said.

Even though the situation was weird and might even be called a little bit awkward, he respected the way she handled this; how she did actually check instead of just letting everyone snoop around.

Then she smiled.

''Ok, I understand. Great, you can go and see him after you've signed this.'' She said while she handed him his ID back, and gave him a pen to write with.

''What's this?'' He said while skimming over the printed page.

''To prove that you've been here. We have to take extra precautions since two days ago; I think there's a kid with famous parents or something, we're not allowed to know who though.'' She said shrugging. ''Happens sometimes.''

Of course. That had to be for Liam; just in case they…

He shuddered. He didn't want to think about that, so he shrugged it off and tried not to think about it.

He was in good hands here. Nothing would happen to him.

He started walking along the cribs, reading the names of the newborns; some were just plain weird, like Apple, Harmony, Boots and Oceana, but also quite normal names, like John, Kevin, Bob and Jane.

Then he finally spotted Liam; wrapped in a thin light blue blanket with his eyes wide open.

He stopped and looked at him before bending over and stroking the baby-soft skin of the boy's cheek.

''Hey big boy.'' He said softly. ''Did you sleep well tonight?''

Liam turned his cheek towards him when he touched it with his finger.

''Yes?'' He chuckled.

Then Daniella walked up to them, and handed him a white baby-towel.

''Here, you can take him out of his crib it you want to.'' She said as he accepted the towel.

He nodded and smiled, then carefully wrapped his hands around the baby's tiny body and lifted him up.

Liam made a soft sound that started out as a cry, but ended as what seemed a satisfied sigh.

He walked around until he found a chair standing somewhere in front of the window and sat down with the baby in his lap.

It felt so good; holding the little boy. He remembered how happy he was when Alexis was born, and to be really, really honest he couldn't say that he felt less that way right now.

It might not be his baby, but he was so goddamn happy for Kate.

He sat there for at least half an hour, rocking the baby in his arms until he was sound asleep, and watching him as he slept. – Creepy, his mom would say. He wondered if the boy would turn out that way later.

When he adjusted the boy on this lap, his watch caught his eye and he noticed it was 12:45 already.

It'd been noon when he arrived at the hospital, probably 12:10 when he entered the nursery.

He decided to go and look if Kate was awake, yet he didn't want to leave Liam here.

It felt cruel, even though he knew it wasn't, to leave such a small boy alone in what almost seemed a storage unit for babies.

He knew the nurses took amazing care of the babies, he knew that. But it felt so empty, and lonely. Maybe it was just his writer's imagination but he imagined it to be so scary; you've just 'arrived' on this world, and then you're here with all these other babies, yet totally alone.

''Hey, Daniella?'' He asked with his most charming smile. ''I want to go see if Kate is awake, do you think I can take Liam with me so she can see him?''

The nurse laughed and shook her head.

''No, I'm sorry.''

He sighed disappointed.

''But if I walk you there, you can.'' She added with a smile.

…

When the three of them arrived at Kate's room, she was awake, yet still lying flat in the bed.

She tried to lift her head when she heard them come in, but she winced in pain and regretted the move immediately.

''I'll leave you two to it.'' Nurse Daniella said, slightly impressed by the two guards in front of the door, and the amount of monitors Kate was attached to.

Obviously the poor woman had no clue it was Liam all the safety precautions were set up for, and didn't know how bad his mom was injured.

Rick nodded and silently thanked her before he pulled up a chair and sat down, placing Liam against his chest.

''Hey.'' He said softly while putting the chair in the right spot.

''Hey.'' She greeted back, her smile widening when she caught sight of him and her son. ''You brought Liam.'' She said smiling.

He nodded once again.

''Yeah, I was here before but you were still asleep.'' He explained.

She seemed to try to move but she grunted again and scrunched her face up in annoyance by her own inability to do anything.

After he'd helped her by handing her another pillow –he didn't want to push and help her with too much; he knew how much she'd hate that- she was sitting up again.

''Here, you want him?'' He asked, handing her her son; careful not to hurt any of the two.

She smiled and looked at the baby adoringly.

''Hey baby.'' She said softly; stroking the boy's cheek with her finger, as Liam seemed to be bewildered by his surroundings.

Castle smiled. She looked so adorable, and hearing her using _that_ word. Holy….

''How did you charm the nurse into getting him here?'' She pried with a light twinkle in her eyes.

''Well, my ruggedly handsome Castle charms…'' He started. ''Nah, apparently I was allowed to visit him, and technically she was the one bringing him here.'' He added smiling, still looking at the baby boy in his partner's arms.

''Yeah…'' She responded. ''I figured you would try to sneak your way in so…'' She teased.

He grinned and turned his head when there was a faint knock on the door.

A young, redheaded nurse came in, pushing a carrier with baby-stuff out in front of her.

''Hey Ms. Beckett.'' She said smiling politely. ''-and Mr….?''

''Castle, call me Rick.'' He said smiling; holding out his hand and shaking hers.

''Hi, I'm Stacy Andrews.'' She said smiling. ''I'm here for Liam, just the same as yesterday.'' She explained.

''Okay.'' Kate replied.

''I'll change his diaper first, if that's okay with you.'' She stated.

Kate nodded and Stacy placed the cart against the wall, then walked over to the bed to get Liam.

''Hello there Liam.'' She said while she put him on the cart which apparently also served as a changing table.

She chatted while changing the baby's diaper.

''I would be happy to have someone change my daughter's diapers when she was little.'' He joked.

Stacy laughed and Kate rolled her eyes, but she couldn't suppress a smile.

''Yeah well, I wonder if you'd also like being shot in the chest.'' She shot back, although smiling.

He shrugged and pretended to think about it.

''No. No I don't think so.''

''Here you go.'' Stacy said, directed at Liam while petting his belly and straightening out the ends of the diaper.

She lifted him up and brought him back to Kate, who accepted him smiling.

''All fresh and clean again, uh?'' She smiled.

Stacy threw the dirty diaper in a bin that was on the card and washed her hands in the sink that was next to the door. Then she turned around.

''I think it's also time to feed him , isn't it?'' She said.

Kate nodded.

Castle shifted in his chair.

''I uh. I'll go and get some coffee.'' He said while attempting to get up.

Kate stopped him.

''You don't have to go.'' She said. ''I'm feeding him a bottle.'' She added upon seeing his flustered face.

He nodded understandingly.

''Shot in the chest; remember?'' She said while rolling her eyes and accepting small towel/bib Stacy handed her and pulling Liam up so that he was leaning against her chest.

''Here you go.'' Stacy said as she handed her a bottle with half-warm milk. ''You know how it goes right?''

When Kate nodded she walked up to the cart.

''Alright, then I'll be back in about half an hour to pick up the bottle.'' She said.

''Okay, thank you.'' Kate said as the nurse disappeared through the door.

''Hey, you hungry, sweetie?'' She asked as she brought the bottle towards Liam's tiny mouth and supported the back of his head with her other hand.

The boy immediately understood what to do and started sucking on the bottle.

Both of the adults smiled and looked at him. It was almost enchanting.

''He's so cute!'' Rick stated excitedly.

She turned her head slightly towards him to smile at him and then directed her attention back to the baby.

She bent her head and kissed his temple.

''Yeah, he's adorable.''

…

''So how long do you have to stay here?'' Castle asked while taking a sip of his coffee.

''If everything is going okay probably about a week longer. But I'll have to recover at home and I won't be able to do much during the first two months.'' She sighed. ''This sucks.''

He looked over at her empathically.

''Especially with Liam. I mean how the hell am I supposed to be a good mother to him when I can't even stand up long enough to change his diaper, or even lift him up? It'd be hard enough without a bullet-wound in my chest and a huge incision on my stomach and ribs.''

She looked down at the white sheets that covered her legs.

Liam was back in the nursery, sleeping. Nurse Stacy had took him with her to the nursery after she came back to collect the empty bottle and saw that the boy had fallen asleep.

''Hey-'' he said while taking her hand and rubbing the back of it with his thumb. ''-we're all here for you. Remember that okay? You just gotta ask and there'll be help.''

She smiled weakly.

''That's the point; I don't want help. I want to be able to just do this.''

''I know. But it is the way it is. And I'm here for you.'' He said.

They were silent for a little while; staring at the television that was playing some sort of soap opera on mute.

'''So 's Josh's gonna stay with you?'' He asked after a little while.

She shook her head.

''No. We're over.'' She said shortly.

''But I mean, he's Liam's father after all..''

''Yes, we'll just do weekends or something once Liam's old enough.'' She shrugged as she pretended to watch TV.

''Yeah but I mean after you are released from the hospital.'' He said. ''You can't just go home on your own. Even if you wouldn't have Liam you couldn't. You need someone to take care of you Kate.'' He regretted that last statement as soon as the words left his mouth. He knew she was not going to be happy.

''Nobody needs to take care of me.'' She said. ''I'll be fine.''

''Kate..'' He tried, but she shook her head.

At first, he tried to let it go, but half an hour later he decided that this was important enough to push through.

''Kate you really need someone to stay with you. Have you asked your dad?''

She shook her head.

''Can you ask him?'' He tried.

She shrugged.

''I can ask. If you're so damn determined I will just ask him to stay at my apartment.'' She gave in.

He smiled contently, although he was almost sure her easy giving in had something to do with the pain meds she was on.

Then she returned to watching the silent screen, and he watched her as she slowly fell asleep.

**A/N: Thanks for all your lovely reviews on the last chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

**BLESSING IN DISGUISE**

CHAPTER THREE

…

''Hey Katie.'' A low manly voice spoke softly, waking her from a deep black haze.

Kate slowly opened her eyes; the first thing she saw was a huge, fluffy teddy-bear. Then her father's smiling face appeared from behind it.

''Hey… Dad..'' She spoke, her voice still hoarse with sleep. ''What time is it?''

He looked at his watch.

''Three fifteen.'' He replied as he sat down in the chair next to her bed. ''How are you feeling?'' He asked as he brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

''Sore.'' She shrugged. ''-but better than yesterday.''

She struggled to sit up straight, and contently smiled when she succeeded. Her dad knew her good enough to know she wouldn't appreciate him helping her up and smiled back at her.

''That's good, I guess. Has here been a nurse in here already?'' He asked.

''Well, Castle was here this morning, he brought Liam. And someone came to change the bandages a little while back.'' She answered him.

''Good.''

They were silent for a little while, both lost in their own thoughts.

''I was here, the day before yesterday, when you first woke up.'' He started. ''Do you remember?''

She nodded.

''Vaguely so, but yes. Have you been to see Liam already?'' She said.

''Yes, but only in the nursery. He's beautiful Katie.'' He responded with that typical grand-father expression on his face.

''I saw you got him a present?'' She smiled as she pointed towards the fluffy animal sitting on the end of the bed.

His smile widened even more.

''I hope he'll like it.'' He chuckled.

''It's the first present he's got, actually.'' She reassured him smiling. ''I'm sure he'll love it.''

Then his face fell, thinking back on what got them here in the first place.

''I was so scared Katie. You flatlined a couple of times during the surgery and on your way to the ER. I thought I would lose you too.'' He said sadly.

''I'm sorry, Dad. I just… I need to do this.''

''When I saw Castle jump, when I saw you fall to the ground… I thought I'd lost everything. I… I can't afford to lose you too.'' He said, his eyes filled with insecurity and fear. ''Please, Katie I…- Listen; I know you want to close this case but please just remember that your life is more valuable than her death. We've already lost her. I can't lose you too. Nobody can lose you; I can't, Liam can't lose his mother, your friends can't lose you…''

She bit her lip.

''I know. I'm sorry and… I will-'' She swallowed and briefly closed her eyes. ''-take a break on the case. For a while.''

Jim looked relieved, happy, almost. He grabbed her hand and softly squeezed it.

''Thank you.''

''I'm not saying I'm gonna give it up forever!'' She then hastily added. ''Just… until everything has calmed down a little. Liam and… everything.''

He didn't say anything; they both knew what he was thinking about.

…

''So, where is this grandson of mine?'' Jim eventually asked with a grin even bigger than Castle's usually was.

She chuckled.

''I was surprised by how long you lasted, dad!'' She playfully rolled her eyes. ''In the nursery, unless Castle has kidnapped him again.''

Her dad let out a laugh and was already standing up.

''Go get him. And don't take too long.'' She said smiling.

She'd never thought she'd be here, to be this kind of person but even though it hadn't been more than a few hours since she'd seen her son; she terribly missed him already.

…

''Here we are! There's your mommy!'' Her father spoke in a cheerful voice, holding the innocent looking baby boy in his arms.

''Hey there baby!'' Kate said smiling widely.

Her father grabbed the teddybear, then sat back down in the chair and adjusted Liam on his lap.

''Hey buddy, look at this? You like him?'' He said as he put the animal on his lap next to the baby.

Kate chuckled.

''He looks like you, you know.'' He smiled as he looked down at the boy who looked like he was taking everything surrounding him in with his big eyes wide open.

''His eyes are just like yours, and his lips.''

Liam made a soft sound and both adults softly laughed.

''You think so?''

He hummed.

''Yeah, you were just like this when you were a baby. Only you had a head full of hair already.'' He smiled back at the memory; Johanna lying there in bed with her hair pulled back and their baby girl in her arms, smiling like never before and radiating happiness.

Of course Kate's situation was a little different, but that didn't take away any of the happiness he felt over his grandson.

''Hey, dad?'' She then asked.

He looked up at her.

''Do you think you could maybe stay at my apartment for a little while when we're released from the hospital. Because well, I can't really-'' She sighed. ''-do this alone.''

''Of course. Anything you need.'' Was his reply as he stood up, still holding Liam in his arms and bent over to give her a kiss on her forehead.

''Thank you.'' She softly murmured.

He placed Liam in her arms and the boy made a soft sound of contentment.

He cleared his throat after he sat down.

''So, what-uh is going to happen with Josh?'' He asked carefully.

''I don't know.'' She sighed as she sank deeper into the cushions. ''I don't know. We didn't really fight, but I mean… it just wasn't there anymore. I wonder if it has ever been there at all but… well he will stay around for Liam but I don't know what is going to happen. Everything is so messed up right now.''

Her father gave her a reassuring smile.

''I'm sure it's gonna be okay.''

…

Around dinner-time, an overly-excited Rick Castle almost skipped in the room. Her father had left around five, and Lanie had visited her too; the ME of course totally fawning over Liam, questioning her about Josh, and Castle.

''I got you a present.'' He said grinning as he set down a big blue shopping bag, and a plastic white one which gave away its contents by smelling like some kind of food Kate didn't recognize on the bed.

He took out one rectangular package from the denim bag and handed it to Kate. It was wrapped in plain light blue wrapping.

''It's for Liam but I don't think he's able to unwrap it, so you do the honors.'' He said, grin still evident.

She unwrapped the box, and a see-through plastic box containing two pacifiers came out. She chuckled and rolled her eyes upon reading the text that decorated them;

_My mommy is a supercop._

And;

_Baby Heat._

''Seriously, Castle.'' She said laughing. ''How did you even get this?''

He shrugged.

''I-''

''Oh don't say it! You know a guy.'' She interrupted him.

She wouldn't deny it; the gift were adorable and so was the man who gave them to her. She couldn't hold back a wide grin on her face.

''Thanks.'' She then added. ''I'm sure he'll love them.''

''Oh, there's more!'' He hastily said.

His grin widened even more, and he pulled out something else from the bag; a brown average-sized teddy-bear, just simple and plain; yet really cute.

''Thanks Rick.'' She smiled, taking the bear and putting it in her lap next to the baby who experimentally moved against it.

''I-uh… I also got you something.'' He said, smiling sheepishly as he pulled out a box from the bag.

''You didn't have to…'' She said, but she smiled and was already reaching for the box. Her hands were slightly trembling; she was still weak from everything that had happened and needles and bandages were still attached to her everywhere.

''I wanted to.'' He simply responded.

When she started pulling on the edges of the silver wrapped he spoke up again.

''This might need a little bit of an explanation.'' He said awkwardly. ''You-uh, you wear your mom's ring for the life that you lost, and your dad's watch for the life that you saved and I… I thought this could symbolize the life that you… gave.'' He almost looked nervous.

When she opened the box it revealed a simple yet elegant silver ring. It held three equal sized, small white diamonds and on the inside it was engraved with her son's name.

She had forgotten to even reply to him; it was beautiful.

''I know that the other two things actually have sentimental worth and that they're really part of your parent's life, but I just thought… I mean… you don't have to wear it if you don't want to I just…-''

''Shut up Rick, it's gorgeous. I want to wear it.'' She said smiling as she took the ring out of the box and put it on her finger; her right ring finger.

She didn't miss his smile.

''It's… beautiful.'' She said while she looked at the ring around her finger; she knew it must've cost him a fortune but she wisely kept her mouth shut about that. She knew he would just say that he didn't care and it wasn't worth the fuss. She loved it, and he gave it to her, so she would wear it.

''I'm glad you like it.'' He smiled as he sat down on the edge of her bed.

…

**Ugh, I hated this chapter! It's so short, and I must've rewritten it about a dozen times and it still didn't come out the way I wanted it to. **

**Anyway, I think there'll be about two more chapters about the hospital and then we'll move on to the good stuff (:**

**Let me know what you think? **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! **

**Okay so this is gonna be a long author's note, so prepare, hehe (or skip it, whatever).**

**Sorry for the long wait! I really am, but life got in the way and I had little time –and energy- to write. Also I had written this chapter so many times and I couldn't get it right (am still not completely happy with it). I hope you can forgive me, haha. **

**Also, the next update may take a while as well, because I'll be going to Spain tomorrow (for 10 days) and I won't be able to update then. If I'm lucky I will be able to write there, and then I'll update when I come home, but I can't promise anything. **

**Really, really sorry for the slow updates (this goes for all my stories) but I've been feeling like shit lately. I try, really (:**

**BLESSING IN DISGUISE**

CHAPTER FOUR

…

''Good morning!'' He cheerfully calls out when he enters her room.

Instead of the broken reply he'd gotten the last few days, he's now rewarded with a much happier one.

''Hey, Castle.'' She smiles as he walks through the doors.

She looks a lot better already; her face has gotten some of its colour back and her eyes seem to be less tired and worried.

She's stable, she's almost okay again. The wounds just need to close up and she'll have to take some pills and then just slowly recover. But she's safe now. She's safe.

''How are you feeling?'' He asks, walking past her bed towards the crib.

She smiles when she sees his eyes light up as he spots Liam, quietly lying there, but awake. He bends over and lifts the boy up, cradling him in his arms, against his chest. Somewhere inside that makes her feel warm and fuzzy.

''Was that meant for me or for Liam?'' She chuckled lightly in mock offense.

He turns towards her; smiling, but doesn't answer.

''I'm good. Thanks.'' She then answers as she holds out her arms –now free, not attached no any machine anymore.

''Ah. Come on?'' He whines, drawing out the word slowly and trying out his best puppy-eyes-look.

But she only raised a brow and didn't move or pull in her arms; just waits for him to place her baby in her arms.

The boy made a soft sound of recognition or at least to show that he was content as he made contact with his mother's skin.

''Hey there baby.'' She whispered, stroking the baby's little head. ''Are you ready to go home, uh?''

Castle smiled. She looked so perfect and he just wish he could-

-no. stop.

She was going home today. He just wished that _home_ didn't refer to her apartment with her father as help, but that home referred to his loft where he could love her and Alexis could be the big sister and Martha the grandma and then Jim could even stay over and…

But he's woken from his thoughts as Jim himself enters the room; bag swung over his shoulder and a smile on his face.

''Hey Katie.'' He says smiling and oh-so-fatherly as he walks over to her and kisses both Kate and Liam on their foreheads. ''You guys ready to go?''

He couldn't help but feel a little-

-disappointed.

Disappointed, because this was the hospital, and here, in the hospital it was acceptable to visit her every day. Okay, make that every few hours.

Once she's home he's… he can't… right?

Two hours later; when all the forms are signed and all is packed and brought to the car, her father and a nurse walk back in with a wheelchair navy blue stroller. Her face lights up.

''Thanks Dad.'' She says as she pushes herself up and tries to stand. It's still hard; she still stands unsteady and has to lean on the edge of the bed for support.

She's dressed now; casually in loose-fitting, grey sweatpants and a light blue hoodie with a zipper so she doesn't have to lift her arms. She isn't wearing makeup and her hair falls freely around her face. She looks so beautiful.

Jim lifts up Liam from his crib and puts him in the stroller, then almost has to forcefully put Kate in the wheelchair – she claims she's able to walk to the car herself, but she doesn't know at what floor her room is and she doesn't know how big the hospital is. She hasn't been able to walk for more than fifty meters yet.

After signing the very, very last form the nurse disappears into the hallways.

''Can I help?'' Castle asks, reaching for the handles of the wheelchair.

''Rick, no. You're not going to push me.'' Kate protests; voice still weak but getting stronger every day.

He wants to argue but Jim silences him. He understand; she doesn't want to feel weak in front of her partner; rather has her father push her. So he nods and takes the stroller. Liam is already fast asleep; his little fists resting on his belly.

They leave the hospital in silence; except for the goodbyes from the nurses and doctors in passing that all had gotten to know Kate pretty well by now. One of the male nurses said goodbye to Kate with a wink, receiving a stern look from Jim that made it hard for Castle not to laugh. The nurse had been hitting on Kate all week; something she was clearly not amused by.

They arrived at Jim's car; a silver Toyota. A maxicosi had already been placed in the back and Castle took the task upon himself, and lifted Liam out of the stroller. He kissed the boy on his head before skillfully securing the belt around the baby-seat and closing the door after double checking everything.

Kate was still seated in the wheelchair; the passenger's seat's doo already open while Jim stood beside her.

''Do you want me to come over, help you with anything?'' He asked to both Kate and her father. Kate shook her head.

''No. That's really sweet but you've done enough already. Go home; spend time with Alexis and Martha. Okay?'' She said.

He nodded. He didn't want to leave, didn't want her to be 'alone'. He was going to miss her; he was going to worry his ass off.

''So um.'' He started. ''Call me if you need anything, okay? Like, anything anything. Everything from stuff to emotional support to help to money to knowledge… anything, okay?''

She nodded silently; both knew she was never gonna ask him for help, but both didn't want to argue either.

He fumbled with his keys.

''Jim.'' He nodded, walking towards the older man and firmly shaking his hand.

''Rick.'' He replied, returning the same firm grip.

Then he turned to Kate.

''Bye Kate.'' He said, softer and less confident. ''I'll see you soon okay?''

She looked down and avoided his gaze.

''Yeah. Sure. Bye, Castle.'' She said.

Then he turned around and with a last look at Kate, a smile directed to the sleeping boy in the car, he headed towards his own.

…

Later, when he sat in his office while absentmindedly typing away on his computer his phone rang.

His heart immediately skipped a beat; hoping it was her.

Sadly it was his mom, telling him she'd be gone for the night and after that he couldn't focus at all anymore.

His hands were itching to grab his phone and dial her number, but his head was telling him no.

He couldn't, because it would seem clingy and weird and even though he might _be_ clingy, he didn't want her to think that.

He'd started typing out six texts already, but deleted them every time.

'You okay?' A couple had said, whilst others literally told her he missed her.

But he couldn't send them.

…

When she arrived home she felt strange; empty, cold. Her apartment was decorated with new baby-accessories; a crib in the corner of the living room and she knew Castle had helped her father to re-decorate the study into a baby-room. He'd tried to keep silent, but she noticed the light green paint on his fingers and pants several times.

She caught herself wishing he was here, but she wasn't allowed to think that way and blamed it on the just having a baby thing. Maybe it was just a newly mother's nature to long for a man by her side.

Maybe.

''Do you want a drink?'' Her dad asked her after he'd helped her sit comfortably on the couch; Liam in her arms.

She shook her head; eyes emptily staring ahead while softly rocking Liam in her arms –the doctors had told her several times not to, said it would pull the stitches, but she stubbornly kept doing it-.

Two hours later her dad has laid Liam down in the crib in his new room and brought her a plate of food; gross salt-less doctor-prescribed diet food that she poked around with for several minutes before setting it down on the table.

Her dad tried to make her eat it, but she refused; like she would have done when she was a little girl and didn't want to eat her veggies.

At least Castle brought me normal food. She thought, again denying her longing for him.

Another hour passed before her dad sighed and stood in front of her; arms crossed.

''Give me your phone.'' He demanded, already bending down to retrieve it from where it lay beside her on the couch.

For a moment she sat there; just confused, but then she protested.

''No. Dad!''

''Katie, just call the guy. You've been sitting here, pouting for more than three hours now.''

''I'm just tired and my stitches hurt.'' She lies reluctantly.

''You shouldn't be moving your arms so much, you know what the doctor said.'' Her dad replied before walking away; phone still in his hands.

A couple of minutes later her returned and handed her the phone. A picture of her son was sitting on the screen; the small baby peacefully asleep in his new bed, the bear Castle had given him sitting in the corner of the crib.

She smiled.

Her dad had attached the photo to an empty text addressed to Castle; not yet sent.

He was looking at her when she looked up.

He didn't say anything but just shot her a look that she read easily. 'Text him, at least.' It said.

She bit her lip, then nodded although she wasn't sure why.

**Thank you.**

She didn't type more than those two words that to most others would mean barely anything, but she knew they held enough meaning for what she wanted to say; she knew he would get her message.

…

His phone beeped; showing a text message.

A photo of a sleeping Liam and the words 'Thank you.'

He couldn't contain his grin.

…

**This was short and badly written; I know. I'm going to Spain for 10 days tomorrow, so you shouldn't be expecting another update soon. I'm really, really sorry about the long waits. I'll try to get back on schedule when I come back. **

**See you soon!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Whoops, it's been a long time again. I'm gonna keep this author's note short and just say that I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and that I will be on a vacation for two weeks now, but that I hope to update almost immediately after I come back (:**

**BLESSING IN DISGUISE**

CHAPTER FIVE

…

_Previously:_

_Her dad had attached the photo to an empty text addressed to Castle; not yet sent._

_He was looking at her when she looked up._

_He didn't say anything but just shot her a look that she read easily. 'Text him, at least.' It said._

_She bit her lip, then nodded although she wasn't sure why._

_**Thank you.**_

_She didn't type more than those two words that to most others would mean barely anything, but she knew they held enough meaning for what she wanted to say; she knew he would get her message._

…

_His phone beeped; showing a text message._

_A photo of a sleeping Liam and the words 'Thank you.'_

_He couldn't contain his grin._

Magazines might make him look like a confident, almost arrogant man, but in reality he is just like every other person; when he's alone, behind closed doors, he's insecure about a lot. Especially things that relate to Kate, in any way.

What if she doesn't like him?

What if she really wants him gone?

He's been feeling guilty ever since she got shot; what if he hadn't looked into her mother's case? What if he hadn't pushed her? What if he'd been able to stop her?

_If only she hadn't been shot_, she would have had her baby in a healthy condition, and it would have been the most beautiful day of her life.

If only she hadn't been shot, she would be walking around the house, singing softly with her son in her arms.

If only she hadn't been shot, she would be able to breastfeed her son. If only she hadn't been shot, she would've been able to decorate the baby's room by herself.

So the message; the picture, it made up for a lot; made the uncomfortable knot in his stomach loosen up. a text may only be a small thing; it costs little to nothing and barely a minute to send, but it shows that she thought of him; that she wants him to see her son.

And he guesses that means she at least likes him. As a friend –at least.

They still haven't talked about his admission; even though she told him she would.

But did she really say that? What if she actually meant something else? What if his over imaginative mind was making up things again?

But he shakes his head and types out a response.

**Always- anything you need, remember? **

…

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

The door opens.

''Rick!''

A surprised-but-not-really-surprised expression.

He holds up the three paper bags.

''Morning,'' he yawns. ''I thought I'd…-''

''Come in,'' he says as he steps away from the door to let the writer in. ''They're not up yet.''

''S'okay. Hope I did not wake you up?'' he asks.

Jim shakes his head.

''No, always been an early riser.''

They walk towards the couch, but Castle changes direction towards the kitchen.

''I brought breakfast,'' he tells his partner's father as he sets the bags on the counter.

''Coffee?'' the older man asks in response as he's already walking towards the coffee machine standing in the kitchen.

''Yeah, thanks.''

They wait in silence as the machine growls and spews some steam. Then a loud cry from another room startles them.

''Oh, it's the baby,'' Jim says, as he excuses himself and goes to see the boy.

Rick busies himself with the coffee; taking out one cup and placing another one underneath the small tap.

''Dad?'' He then hears a familiar voice call out.

He turns around and spots his partner, standing in the doorway of what he figures is her bedroom. She's leaning against the frame, wearing only a large blue NYPD shirt; hair a mess and face clean from makeup.

She looked tired; no scratch that, make that exhausted.

''Beckett?'' he says as he quickly makes his way towards her.

''Castle?'' she says surprised, maybe a little shocked. ''What are you doing here? Where is my father?'' her voice is hoarse and thick.

''Uhm, I just- I thought-'' he first tries to explain, but then quits. ''come on, let's get you settled on the couch.''

He makes and attempts to pick her up, but she –no matter how injured- stops him and gives him the look.

''At least lean on me. C'mon,'' he grumbles. ''Your dad is in Liam's room; he was crying.''

''Yeah, I heard him,'' she says. ''Good,'' she softly adds. ''What are you doing here?''

''I um- I thought I'd bring you guys breakfast; might as well help you guys out a little, right?'' he says smiling.

She doesn't answer.

''I've just gotten out of bed. I must look terrible; I would've at least made an attempt to look appropriate if I'd known we'd get visitors,'' she tells him with a small smile on her lips.

Jim chooses that moment to walk in with his grandson in his arms; the baby is awake, but quietly looking around with his big brown eyes.

'''Hey, baby,'' Kate said, smiling broadly. Rick couldn't help but feel a warm feeling spread through his chest as he saw her face light up when she spotted her son. ''-you woke me up, uh?''

Jim smiled and carefully placed the baby in her lap.

She lifted him up higher and cradling him to her chest.

''Katie, be careful with your stitches, you'll-''

She sighed loudly -something her father apparently was used to-, but did as he said and tried to adjust her position.

''So, breakfast, anyone?'' Rick offered, a little awkwardly; feeling as if he was interrupting a private moment.

Guilt was still eating on him, too.

''Sure, let me get it,'' Jim said.

''-No, no, let me do it.'' Rick hurried toward the kitchen before the man even had a chance to get up.

While he asked everyone what they wanted, and got everything ready, Jim went to grab Liam's bottle.

Castle returns with a tray full of food and drinks in his hands and sets it down on the coffee table.

He starts handing the plates to Kate and her father, but it goes clumsily with Kate still holding Liam, so he helps her set him down on the small towel lying next to her on the couch.

As both Beckett's are eating, Kate looks at him frowning.

''You're not going to eat?''

''I already ate,'' he smiles back.

''Oh. If you want to you can… give Liam his bottle?'' she offers while taking another bite of blueberry pancake.

He grins broadly and immediately goes to grab the bottle from the coffeetable and gently places his partner's son in his arms.

Kate can't help but stare lovingly at the two of them while her son drinks and Rick holds him oh so carefully.

She doesn't know how much time has passed, but suddenly both the plates are empty and her father is standing up; a knowing look on his face.

''I'm going to take a shower,'' he says as he stands up and brings the tray to the kitchen.

When he disappears into her bathroom, Kate lays her hand on the writer's knee. Liam's bottle is empty and he's gently dabbing the boy's face clean with a corner of the towel.

''Thank you,'' she softly says.

He doesn't reply, but just looks at her and smiles.

He does his best not to reach out and brush a strand of messy brown hair out of her face, but it's so hard to resist her when she's sitting there so bare and vulnerable.

She's so lovely.

''Castle you're staring.'' The dry statement wakes him up and he realizes he must've forgotten to look away.

''Oh, right, sorry,'' he awkwardly stumbles.

She just smiles and he just can't help but think that they're getting there; wherever that may be.

…

He waits in her living room while her father helps her dress. He could see she was embarrassed to have him know she was not able to do anything, not even dress, herself. He could also see that she'd prefer him to leave, but he just couldn't.

He wasn't going to leave; he wanted to help in any way possible.

So that's why he's sitting on the couch with a baby in his arms; quietly shushing him to sleep.

It's almost half an hour before she comes out and her father leaves through the front door, nodding at him on his way out with a shopping bag and a wallet in his hand.

She's sweaty when she reaches the couch; he didn't dare to help her; her angry stare was almost murderous.

''You ok?'' he asks.

She nods.

''Very quickly exhausted,'' she breathes out, then brushes a strand of hair out of her face. ''Can I ask you something?'' she then eventually asks after she's caught her breath.

''Sure,'' he answers puzzled.

''Why- why are you still here?'' she asks softly, and he instantly knows there's a deeper meaning behind the question than simply here on the couch.

''You know why,'' he hesitantly says. (because I love you)

''No. I don't. Because I- I mean, you've been great and everything, Castle, but it's been two weeks in the hospital and now…''

He doesn't reply.

''I mean, in the hospital it's different, you know? People visit there all the time,'' she elaborates.

''I'm your partner,'' he offers.

''I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate it; all the help,'' she starts again. ''-I just don't want you to think that you are responsible in any way either. It's not your fault.''

He swallows and doesn't look at her.

''I am responsible,'' he eventually spits out; harsher than he'd expected. ''I am responsible for this, Kate. I am the one of pushed you to start investigating again. If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have been shot Kate! If it wasn't for me Liam's birth would've been the happiest day of your life and you would have been able to do anything you wanted to, Kate!''

She sighs.

''Rick, listen-'' she starts, but she's interrupted by the sound of her doorbell ringing and she lets out a frustrated yelp.

''I'll get it,'' he quickly offers, not entirely sure whether he's happy or disappointed for the interruption.

He sets Liam back in his mother's lap and then jumps up and hastily makes his way to the front door.

When he opens it, he's greeted by a familiar handsome doctor's face.

''Hey,'' he greets him, awkwardly. Even though Josh and Kate might not be together anymore, that doesn't take away the fact that Castle just doesn't like him.

''Hey, I came to see Liam,'' Josh replies.

They stand there awkwardly for a couple of seconds before Castle steps away and lets the surgeon in. He doesn't break eye-contact the whole time.

''Hey, Kate,'' he hears him say. He's still standing by the door while Josh has already made his way into the living room.

He can hear a faint 'hey' back from Beckett and hears Josh talk to his son.

His _son_. It still stings. Josh doesn't deserve this. It might make him seem hateful or mean, but he doesn't grant Josh this joy; Josh was never there when she needed him. He might be a good or even great man; saving the world and such, but when it came to his own girlfriend, he never had the time to even just hold her when she'd needed it.

So why should he be rewarded with the joy of having a son with her –even now that they're not together anymore?

Slowly he makes his way back to the living room- he just stands there for a moment, staring at the two other adults that are just _laughing_ and smiling and god she's _giggling_ and he can't understand how Josh does that.

How can he make her giggle like that? How is it that some guy that she broke up with seems to make her happier than her partner does? Her partner who loves her to no end?

Right now, all he wants to do is sit down in his office and drown his sorrow in a bottle of vodka, but he needs to be strong, and he needs to smile brightly because apparently the doctor's smile made her happy so maybe he'd just have to beat that and-

''Castle, you okay?'' she says; waking him from his thoughts.

''Oh- yeah, sure. I just- I promised Alexis I'd be – I'd do something for her and-'''he stumbles over the lie, ''- I guess I should go.''

''No- Castle you don't have to-,'' she protests but he's already turned around.

''You're forgetting your phone,'' Josh points out, and he can't help but make an ugly face before turning around to retrieve his iPhone. He smiles at Kate when he stands in between the two ex-lovers and reaches out to quickly touch Liam's cheek.

''Bye,'' is all he says.

''Bye,'' Josh responds just a little too quickly for Rick's likings.

''Bye,'' she replies. ''See you tomorrow?'' she asks with an expression that is too serious for him to not get some kind of sad vibe from.

''See you tomorrow,'' he promises.

**Review?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Oh my god guys, look, it's a quick update! Hahaha, but anyway, I was hit by a shitload of inspiration suddenly, and I thought, maybe this'll make up for the slowness of the other updates. **

**On another note; thank you so much for all of your kind reviews and messages! I'm so happy to see you like my story, and you guys really motivate me (:**

**BLESSING IN DISGUISE**

CHAPTER SIX

…

'Tomorrow' doesn't turn out to be tomorrow. In fact, 'tomorrow' turns out to be three days later. Well, technically, two days and ten hours.

Also, it turns out that he isn't the one to make the first move this time. She calls him when he's already in bed; half asleep.

''Castle,'' he answers the phone, unable to suppress a yawn.

''Rick,'' he hears her say; her voice slightly different than usual. ''Rick, can you please come over? He… He won't stop crying,'' she almost begs him; voice now shaking.

He can't help it; before she's even said anything more he's already up and dressed and heading to Alexis' room to let her know he'll be gone for a little while.

She doesn't even really acknowledge him leaving because she's still half asleep and replies with a yawned ''okaaay luv you''.

His mind goes crazy as he's sitting in the cab that just can't seem to drive fast enough.

He missed her; he missed her so damn badly. He missed Liam, too, almost as much as he missed her.

He wanted to come and see her, he did. In fact, he wanted nothing more. But he was insecure and stubborn; didn't want to seem clingy and really didn't want to have the conversation about responsibility with her.

…

She opens the door on the first knock; the crying baby in her arms and her own eyes looking suspiciously red-rimmed as well.

''Hey,'' he softly says as he enters the apartment.

Liam stopped crying for about five seconds only to look at him and then let out another heartbreaking sob.

''He won't stop, Castle, he just won't stop. I don't know what to do,'' she almost whispers and he can see she's having a hard time holding it together. ''I- I just-''

He shushes her and takes Liam from her arms. She lets her arms drop to her sides and briefly closes her eyes. He pretends not to notice the few tears she wasn't able to stop from falling, because he knows how much she'd hate it if he would've seen her like that.

''Have you fed him?'' he asks.

She nods.

''Changed his diaper?''

Another nod.

Then he starts walking up and down the room; rocking the baby in his arms, but he won't stop screaming.

''It doesn't work,'' she says. ''It doesn't work! What if he's sick? What if something is wrong?''

But he's had his own experiences and knows that this is just tired-but-not-being-able-to-sleep crying, so he shakes his head.

''He's fine, Kate, he's fine. All babies do this.''

He wonders where her father is. It's been three days and he can see she's somewhat improved; now she can at least stay standing upright and she looks slightly less pale.

She doesn't reply and she only speaks up when he starts gathering some stuff from around her apartment and makes an attempt to leave. He's taken one of the baby's stuffed animals as well as some baby-towel, because well, you never know.

''Where are you going? What are you doing? Are you taking him to the hospital?'' she panics.

''No, no,'' he tries to calm her down, but the whole situation is stressful because Liam just won't stop crying and wriggling in his arms, and Kate seems to be on a breaking point as well now. ''Let's just go for a ride, okay? It helps to calm down most babies.''

…

He turns out to be right, because Liam falls asleep almost within ten minutes of sitting in the car. Both adults sit in silence; staring at the road and listening to the sound of the car moving and the radio that's turned down really low; just barely audible.

''I'm sorry I called you. I didn't want to wake you up, you know.'' She's speaking softly, but her voice sounds loud in the quiet environment.

He looks to his right; where she is sitting in the passenger's seat. It only strikes him then that this is the first time she let him drive.

''Why?'' he asks, ''You can call me any time you want to, you know that right?''

She looks through the window at her right and doesn't respond.

''I just didn't know what to do and Dad was out for the first time in weeks to his monthly meeting with old friends, you know, from the AA…'' her voice trails off. ''-he'd missed two already.''

''I'm glad you called me,'' he offers.

''I mean it's not like it's official anymore, but those are his friends and I didn't want to-''

He shuts her up by putting his hand on her knee.

''It's okay, Kate. Honestly.''

She doesn't reply and they just go back to sitting in silence for a while.

''You're not responsible, you know that right?'' she eventually tells him, looking at him without really turning her face towards him while he stubbornly stares at the road.

''Let's not have this conversation right now. I wouldn't want to wake him again,'' he answers. He knows that she knows that he's avoiding the conversation, but she just shuts up and continues to watch the city lights flash by.

…

They'd spent the rest of the ride in silence, but once they arrived home they'd forgotten about why they were so quiet and he let the door fall in the lock a little too loudly.

Liam, of course, immediately started crying again.

Castle is still holding the boy in his arms and he can see the panic flashing over Beckett's face. She's paler now, and she looks exhausted.

''God, no,'' she weakly groans.

Castle starts shushing the baby as he walks up and down the living room; kicking his shoes off.

He continues for a little over two minutes until he notices Kate leaning against the wall; face pale and tears silently making their way down her cheeks.

It hurts him to see her like this.

He walks towards her and pulls her towards him with one arm while he holds her son with the other. She starts to actually cry as she touches both him and Liam.

''I suck at this. I can't be a mother. I can't-'' she sobs.

''Listen to me Kate Beckett,- '' he softly yet confidently and clearly says, ''- you do not suck at this; you're a great mom. And you will be an even greater mom.''

''No! I can't-'' she protests in between sobs.

He doesn't speak; just keeps on repeating the shushing sounds he was making to Liam before and pulls her as close to him as humanly possible.

He doesn't think he can describe this feeling in actual words, even though he's a writer. It's just that he feels this insane need to protect her; to keep her safe and happy, no matter what.

He steers them towards the couch, and as they sit there the sobbing of both mother and son slowly subsides until Liam has fallen asleep again and Kate is only occasionally letting out a sob, although her face is still buried in his chest.

''Don't ever say that,'' he then speaks when he think she's calmed down a little and is listening to him, ''don't ever say that. You are a great mother Kate, and you will be, I am sure of that. You try your hardest, and you've been through a lot. You can do this,'' he tells her. And he means it; he can't help but compare her to Meredith, and although he doesn't want to voice his thoughts about that – he doesn't want or need her pity, he's _fine_- he can't help but think that Kate is a much better mother than Meredith ever was.

''I'm sorry,'' she whispers; voice raw and hoarse. ''-for everything, you know? The whole crying mess and being so- so-so not me.'' She chuckles humorlessly. ''I think it's hormones or something.''

She's apologizing; but she doesn't move away, just let's her head rest on his chest as thet both shift into a more comfortable position with the sleeping Liam now on his lap while Kate holds one of his tiny hands.

He subconsciously runs his fingers through her hair.

''I don't mind; I don't mind at all.''

…

When Jim came home later that evening all was quiet in the apartment. The lights were turned off and there were no used glasses on the table or in the sink.

After discarding his jacket and shoes he silently walked to the nursery to check if Liam was asleep and okay.

He found the crib empty.

He shook his head, and walked to his daughter's room to check and see if she was okay and if Liam was with her .

When he opened the door he smiled.

Kate was lying in the middle of her queen-sized bed, smiling peacefully with Liam in her arms. The boy was sleeping in his mother's arms, his little firsts clamping around her fingers.

Rick was laying behind Kate; spooning her. His arms were wrapped around her waist protectively and his nose was buried in her long wavy hair, his right hand positioned on Liam's belly.

They looked so peaceful.

Like a family.

Grinning, Jim turned around and quietly closed the door before heading off to the guestroom with only one thought on his mind;

''_They'll get there.''_

…

**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter, and that the kind-of-fluffly ending makes up for the next two update-less weeks. Hopefully when I come back I'll be full of inspiration!**

**Review?**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **

**Ok so I probably owe you an explanation as to why I haven't updated in over a year. (A freaking year, I can't even believe it!) I honestly wish there was one good, simple, clear explanation but there is not; life was and still is hectic, my health is bad and family situation very messed up, but of course I still could've written. And I still **_**have**_** written, just not for this story, just not so much fan fiction in general. Other things have taken up my time lately, I've been more busy writing different stories, doing different things.**

**When I started this story I was very excited about the concept, but I didn't have any idea about how it was going to play out any further, and I still don't. I have some vague ideas, and some general ones up to a certain point, but there's no real plot and I don't know where the story should lead and/or end. Any ideas or suggestions from you guys are very appreciated! I know from experience that when I ask people for their opinions on my work (from art to writing to anything else) I tend to not really use their ideas, but their ideas do often inspire me into thinking of new ideas myself. And maybe someone might pitch in a great idea, we never know. So, if you have any, don't hesitate to let me know!**

BLESSING IN DISGUISE

CHAPTER SEVEN

…

He wakes up early. There's light peeking through the curtains, but the apartment is cold and quiet – although that first one might be caused by the fact that he's laying on top of the covers instead of under them like Kate.

She is holding Liam in her arms, and Castle's arms are wrapped around her; sheltering her. His fingers are ever so slightly brushing the little boy's back, too. He can feel his belly moving up and down when he breathes.

He shivers; there is cold wind blowing onto his back, and as he turns his head a little he sees that the window is on the latch. He unconsciously tightens his grip on her to keep her warm, but he doesn't move or get up to close it.

He's just fine where he is right in that moment; and he doesn't want it to end.

…

She wakes up hours later; startled by a knock on the door. He's still in the same position as before; wide-awake but not moving, currently frozen in place as he realizes that they are not alone and that this moment will soon be over.

She groggily groans and lifts a hand to rub her eyes. Liam makes a soft mumbling sound in his sleep.

Before she even has time to acknowledge the foreign presence behind her, the door opens and her father's head peeks around the door.

''Morning Katie,'' he greets her, and then with a cocked brow and a smug look, ''and oh- hello Rick.''

But he doesn't look surprised at all.

She immediately shoots up; eyes wide, but it doesn't last long. Her hands fly to her chest.

''Ouch,'' she winces, realizing she shouldn't have made that movement. ''Dad what are you doing, go away,'' she groans apparently more annoyed than embarrassed.

It surprises Rick.

''I made you breakfast, thought you must've had a rough night alone with Liam, but I guess I was wrong,'' her father says as he approaches the bed and places a tray that's filled with food at the nightstand.

''There's two plates, you already knew I wasn't alone,'' she shoots back, ever the detective, ''-unless you counted on Liam drinking coffee.''

''I might have snuck a look when I realized Liam wasn't in his crib last night,'' he says in his typical calm voice, but with a slightly smug look on his face.

She looks down at her hands and the sheets and just slowly shakes her head.

''Right.''

Then he retreats and closes the door behind him, not without telling them he will be off for at least the rest of the morning.

She doesn't look up or move in anyway after the door falls into place with a click, and neither of them speak. The whole room in silent until, as if on command, Liam starts to wake up. He starts squirming against Kate's leg and murmuring uneasily; his little face all scrunched up.

''I'll just go change his diaper,'' she tells Rick as she shoves the tray aside a little bit. But she winces as she lifts Liam up and her sore body protests against the movements so early on in the morning.

''Let me do it,'' Castle offers. Then before she can protest: ''I know, I know, you want to do it yourself but you should really take your rest and you'll get to change a thousand of diapers after you're all healed, so just let me do this and eat your breakfast, okay?''

She tries to think of something to say but then he's already getting up and lifting up the baby from her lap, walking him to the nursery. And she trusts him.

…

''So, you wanna go out today?'' Castle asks her as he straightens out his shirt. He's put Liam in his crib after changing his diaper and giving him his bottle. Then they'd had breakfast; he'd had coffee and she'd officially had milk since she was still on a restricted diet, but had then stolen half of his coffee anyway. He hadn't protested, could never refuse her anything anyway.

''What?'' she asks, a little confused. It might just be for show, though.

''I mean like- going out_side_ you know, do something, go somewhere… not in _that_ way,'' he snickers. ''I don't know, maybe we can take Liam out for a stroll in the park? Or- or we could go shopping for him, I know you haven't really bought him anything yet except for the necessary stuff so…''

''Okay, sure.''

''Really? You'll come?'' he asks incredulously.

''Wow, don't act so surprised there, I haven't seen the sun in quite a while either, I'd like to go out. Might get tired really quick, though.''

''Yeah I know, I know, we'll just be very slow,'' he smiles widely grateful for yet another opportunity to spend time with her outside of the precinct. He downs the last of his coffee and starts loading their empty plates and cups on the tray, readying it to take it back to the kitchen.

…

They've been wandering through stores for about two hours when he notices her eyes getting hazy, her steps slower and her breathing faster. She's too stubborn to admit it to him, but she's tired.

He turns towards her and sends her a reassuring smile.

''Wanna go get something to eat? Sit down for a little while?'' he asks her. He knows asking her if she's tired will undoubtedly earn him the answer 'no'.

She nods, and he can see she's relieved.

They arrive at a small restaurant about fifteen minutes later. They choose to sit at a table on the terrace; close to the front and in the sun.

A handsome, exotic looking waiter with perfectly styled hair instantly approaches them; a small notepad and pen in his hands.

''Good afternoon,'' he greets them cheerfully with a wide smile. He hands them two menu-cards and then speaks up again. ''Can I get you something to drink?''

'Yes, we'd-'' Rick tries to answer.

''Oh my god! What a cute baby!'' he waiter exclaims as he spots Liam lying in the stroller. ''He's so young and tiny!'' he continues to gush. ''I mean, I assume it's a boy?''

''Yeah, his name is Liam,'' Kate smiles proudly.

It makes Castle's heart skip a beat every time he sees how proud his partner is of her son.

After a few minutes of chatting, the waiter eventually takes their order for drinks and leaves.

They're silent as they study the menus.

''Can I ask you something?'' he awkwardly asks without looking up from the card.

''You can always ask, I can't promise that I'll answer though,'' she chuckles. She's looking him directly into the eye, staring him down in a way that reminds him of 'the old Beckett'. Although it's slightly intimidating, it's comforting too, to know that she's still there.

''Why um- didn't you correct anyone today? When they referred to us as a couple, to me as Liam's father,'' he says in a quiet voice.

She bites her lower lip and flicks her eyes down to the table. He can't help but notice that even though her face is bare from makeup and her skin is pale; her eyes tired, still she looks beautiful as always.

''I don't know. I guess I just didn't want to explain,'' she answers with an apologetic smile. ''Sorry.'' Her voice is quiet, so unlike her.

''No, don't apologize. It's okay, I just- just thought it was a bit- you know…''

''I'll-''

The waiter interrupts her.

''Have the new parents made a choice yet?'' he asks them, still with a broad smile on his face. He could star in a dental commercial, Castle notes.

He isn't sure if he had even looked at the menu before, but he orders the first thing that looks appealing to him and Kate seemed to not care either, and then the waiter is gone again and they're both sitting in silence.

Her eyes are closed; he's not sure if that's because of the sun hitting her face form an angle, that fact that's she tired or her emotional state. He doesn't speak; afraid to break anything, even if it's just the silence.

''I'm sorry,'' she chuckles dryly. ''I did it again. I just- I don't want to correct people that don't even know us, you know? I don't want to make a big deal and have to explain the whole situation to them. It's none of their business. Let them be happy for us even if it's just pretend.''

''I get it.'' But he doesn't; not really, because how can she still want to be in contact with the man who got her shot? How can she want him around her son?

She nods quietly.

…

He brings her home after they've had lunch and puts Liam to bed for her. He doesn't want to leave her, but her dad is home so she won't be alone and he doesn't really have any reason to linger. So he tells her goodbye and see-you-soon and takes a cab back to his loft.

As soon as he's inside the cab his thoughts start to cloud his mind. The guilt over Beckett's shooting has been building up gradually but it's getting worse and worse. He can't understand how she can even bear to see him, but he can't cut ties with her either; he might just be too selfish for that. Too in love, too.

Liam will never have a normal childhood. Liam will never a normal family, or two parents that love each other. Alexis didn't have that luxury either and although he tried his very best to compensate for that by being the best dad that he possibly could, he knows he couldn't- can't. He doesn't want to see another child go through that again. Liam will also never have a normal story to later on tell his wife or husband or children. He will always be born from chaos and god- it's _all_ his goddamn fault.

He swallows and shakes his head, trying to clear his mind and he watches the world flash by through the dirty window of the taxicab. He tells himself to push the issue, that they need to talk about this. He can't keep pretending he is fine around her; not when he feels the guilt eat him up completely every time Liam smiles at him.

…

When he steps through his front door he's greeted by the sight of his own daughter sitting on the couch in her sweatpants and a hoodie; her red hair up in a high ponytail. She's reading a book with her brow slightly furrowed and the tip of her tongue poking out form between her lips; she doesn't even notice him coming in.

The sight stops him in his tracks, makes him realize that through all this he's been neglecting her; his own beautiful, mature, amazing daughter.

''I know you're watching me, dad,'' she eventually just tells him without as much as looking up from her book. She turns the page.

He steps over the threshold and closes her door behind him, shaking his head. She's even smarter than he held her for.

She closes the book and lays it down next to her on the couch. She turns to him and watches as he makes his way to her and sits down on the opposite end of the couch, but not before he places a lingering kiss on her forehead.

''How was your day?'' he asks her as he picks up her book she's reading to check out the title.

His daughter smiles and proceeds to tell him how she's not done much yet; just gotten up but that she's planned on having a lazy day filled with reading and maybe baking and soon the background and his worries fade away. All he hears is her excited, happy voice that somehow manages to pull his exhausted brain into a conversation and making plans for the day and she has him forget all that he was sad about.

…

**A/N: I am not going to promise quick updates, but I hope to at least not have to keep you guys waiting for so very long again. **

**One thing I do definitely want to have said is that I can not thank you enough for your continued support, even a year after my last update I still got quite recent requests to finish the story and that did definitely motive me to start writing for it again. So thank you so very very very much for that, I can't even believe you guys would take the time to write a review for **_**my**_** story, let alone find other ways to contact me to ask me to continue it! That just makes me so happy and feel appreciated and ahh I can't even believe it! Thank you!**

…


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